Chuck vs Sarah's Next Mission
by IAmNotTheWalrus
Summary: Summary: Sarah is sent on a dangerous under cover mission. Takes place after 2x21. Not sure how many chapters yet...Rated T. Chuck/Sarah. CHP 4: Chuck and Sarah eat croissants, fight, and talk about Metallica.
1. Chapter 1: Goodbyes

Title: Chuck vs. Sarah's Next Mission

Summary: Sarah is sent on a dangerous under cover mission. Takes place after 2x21. Not sure how many chapters yet...Rated T.

AUTHOR'S NOTE!!

Okay, so I had writer's block. Had too much on my mind to write well. I get rid of my writer's block by just writing about whatever my mind is dwelling on, and I just let whatever I want come out. So out comes Chuck fan fiction. Decided to post it.

I'll write at least one more chapter of this, since I had some later events in mind when I wrote it and it'd feel too incomplete not to include them.

--

"Good night Chuck, sleep tight. You too, Sarah," Ellie called out as Chuck and Sarah retreated back to his bedroom. Sarah smiled at Ellie and slipped her hand into Chuck's.

Once they were inside the room and the door was securely shut, Chuck wasted no time in wrapping his arms around Sarah's waist and pressed his lips against hers. It had taken all of his self restraint to keep himself from touching Sarah that evening with Ellie and Awesome. He had always dreaded showing PDA before, and that changing suddenly would alert Ellie that something was up.

He wasn't thinking straight. All he could think of was Sarah's scent, the taste of her sensitive lips, the feel of her soft skin under his fingertips. And oh, her tongue…He was drunk on Sarah.

He tipped them over onto his bed, unbuttoning Sarah's shirt and taking it off in the process. As he pressed his pelvis against hers, she let out of a soft moan into his lips. The sound and the sensual vibration made Chuck's heart flutter. "Chuck…" she whispered faintly as she moved her neck an inch backwards, breaking their lips apart.

Chuck undid the buttons of his shirt quickly and threw it somewhere on the floor. Sliding his hands up her thighs under her skirt, he kissed her again.

Sarah tensed a little and said something that Chuck couldn't quite make out.

He continued to kiss her. Sarah, keeping her legs still entwined with his, pushed him back a little bit, ending the kiss. "Chuck, stop."

Chuck was frustrated after two years of the emotional rollercoaster. Still, always the gentleman, he backed off. His palms firmly planted on either side of her, Chuck took most of his weight off of her and looked at her intently.

"We need to talk," she said softly.

With a sigh, Chuck rolled to the side, lying on his back. Sarah turned on her side and propped herself up on her elbow. She lay her other hand gently on his stomach.

"Chuck…"

"What, Sarah?"

Sarah exhaled, her eyes diverting to her fingers which were tracing little circles on his stomach. Chuck took her hand in his.

"What is it this time, Sarah?" he repeated.

"We need to think about our situation, Chuck. There are things we still need to work through-"

"Such as? The handler excuse. Taken care of. The professional excuse. I'm not the Intersect anymore, we don't work together."

"Please-"

"No, Sarah, stop." Chuck sat up angrily. "Sarah, don't tell me that you don't have feelings for me. Because if you didn't, the last week would have gone completely differently. So what's the excuse this time, what's standing in our way?"

"Chuck, I want to be with you, I thought that that was pretty clear right now."

"Then why aren't we, Sarah?"

"I'm leaving Friday," she said abruptly.

Her words hit him like a load of bricks. "Wh…wha…no. Sarah, Friday's in a week-"

"I know."

Chuck fell back against the bed. A few seconds of silence.

"They can't pull you from this that quickly."

"They can, and they are doing so. This is longer than most agents have," Sarah explained. "Beckman had a flight for me set last night, but she's allowing me to stay for the wedding."

Chuck inhaled and exhaled a couple of times to calm himself down. Don't freak out. Don't freak out.

"But…I mean, I'll see you, right?" Chuck asked hesitantly. He hoped for some sort of reassurance, but Sarah just pressed herself against the bed and stared at the ceiling. The light from the spring sky outside glinted off of some moisture that had formed in her eyes.

"Do…do you know where you're going next?"

"Yes."

"But you can't tell me?" concluded Chuck bitterly.

"Not specifically," Sarah answered. She took a breath. "They're sending me deep."

"Why?" Chuck protested.

"We haven't won against Fulcrum yet. There's a group of about eighty Fulcrum agents planning a rebound and attack. We don't know specifics about what it is like in there, what power they hold, so we're scared to send in anything big. So me and four other top agents will attempt to infiltrate them."

"That's…dangerous, Sarah-"

"Oh, really?" Sarah remarked bitterly.

"They'll kill you, why would they send you on this?"

"We'll try to get them to trust us, and then we'll join them. All of the agents assigned to this mission have skills that Fulcrum agents want. We need as much intelligence as we can get about Fulcrum's plans, methods….and what they know. We'll report back to the CIA and NSA with the information we get."

"What if Fulcrum finds out you're a mole?" Chuck whispered, not wanting to hear the answer.

Sarah shrugged. "Then we go down fighting. Take down as many Fulcrum agents with us as we can."

"You can't do this, Sarah!" Chuck shouted.

"Lower your voice, Chuck, Ellie and Awesome will hear."

"Sarah…" Chuck tossed the blankets aside and paced angrily back and forth. Sarah curled up in the bed and squeezed her eyes shut. She wondered briefly if it would have been easier for him if she just left without offering any explanation, but she dismissed the thought. She couldn't allow herself to deceive him any longer.

"Sarah, for the past two years, I've been allowing myself to get tortured," Chuck growled, his voice cracking with emotion. "To be so close to you and know that it could never be. Watching you sleep with people who will never care about you because the government tells you to do so. But I always had a bit of hope, a dream that one day, the Intersect would be out of my head and the government would no longer put us in our separate places."

"Chuck-"

"And that dream came true! Here we are, Sarah. No Intersect, no professionalism issue. It's just you, and me. That's all that matters, Sarah!'

"Please…"

" We've been through too much for it to end like this!" Chuck cried out in despair. He sank back into the bed, hopeless. Sarah reached out and touched his arm gingerly.

"I don't want it to end like this, either," Sarah agreed. "I don't want it to end at all."

Their tear filled eyes met, and Chuck wrapped his arms around her tightly as if he could shield her from her impending mission. But he couldn't. He just couldn't.

Burying his face in her golden hair, he whispered, "Promise me something, Sarah."

Sarah pressed her face further into his chest, choking back a sob.

"Promise me that you'll contact me? If you can? Even after the mission, just so I know you're alive?" Sarah didn't answer. "I need to know that you're alive, Sarah," Chuck said desperately. "If I can't be with you then I need to know that you're okay…"

"I'll try." Sarah took a shaky breath, and when she continued, her voice was a little steadier. "I'll try. But Chuck, you can't wait around for me. I've been here because I couldn't let your life be tied back by the Intersect. I won't let my memory do the same thing to you."

"I love you, Sarah. You mean the world to me. Please just promise me that you'll try."

"I promise."

--

Sarah pulled the page out of the printer. Picking up her scissors, she cut out the picture of the cheeseburger she printed. In black Sharpie, Sarah carefully wrote the date on the top bun. She slipped it into an envelope and wrote out the familiar address.

After she put on the appropriate postage, she stopped by her fellow agent's room. "Royce, you still on communications and mail duty?"

"Yup, Walker. Need me to mail that?" Royce said, eying the envelope.

Sarah nodded.

Royce looked at her, exasperated. "You've been sending out an envelope that size to the same address every day since we got assigned this mission. Will you ever tell me what it is?"

Sarah just smiled.

--

Thanks for reading. Again, I only intended to write this to clear my mind and remove my writer's block, but I think I'll tack on another chapter. Tell me what you think of it.

Next chapter summary: Sarah is given a break from her assignment and returns to LA.


	2. Chapter 2: Torture

Chapter 2

-

Pre-warning – This chapter may be a bit depressing. But I promise Charah reunion next chapter!

-

Tensed muscles. The crack of a whip. A searing pain across her back. Sarah gritted her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut, refusing to give the Fulcrum agents the satisfaction of hearing her in pain. _Stay strong, Sarah. You can't break. You won't break. Keep it together._

"Who do you work for?" the Fulcrum agent demanded. Sarah leaned against the wall more heavily, the rocks digging into her palms. Still shaken by the third lash, she turned around to face her torturer.

"I won't. Tell you. Anything," she growled.

The Fulcrum agent snorted. "Oh, you will," he assured her. Swinging the whip a little, he walked slowly closer and closer to her. He pulled out a gun with his left hand, keeping it level with her chest. Sarah briefly considered trying to disarm him. She knew she could. But the five snipers perched both on ledges and on the ground, as well as all of the red dots trained on each CIA agent's forehead, made her reconsider her plan.

"I will learn who you work for," the agent continued with a smile. "And then I'll find out what you know. I'm sure you have many secrets that I'd just love to know, right there in that head of yours." He faux-playfully tapped her head with the tip of the gun.

"Be ready for disappointment, then," she replied sassily.

The agent turned to the other four CIA agents. "Royce. Lewis. Martin. Turner." All four agents glared back at him.

"_Walker_," the Fulcrum agent said, cocky over his earlier retrieval of their real names. "Exactly how dedicated to your mission are you?"

"Extremely dedicated, _sir."_

"Even if it cost all of you your lives?"

"Of course," Royce called out. "It is more than just us fighting, you know. One or five lives don't mean a whole lot in the grand scheme of things. We don't matter; we'll be back fighting. Be sure of it. We'd rather die than betray our cause."

"Oh, die you will," the agent said. "One by one. Walker, stand by Royce." Obediently, she stood by him, relieved to be nearer to her team. And to Royce. Over the past five months, all of the agents had become extremely close, but Royce was her best friend out of all of them. Royce brushed his wrist against hers reassuringly.

"You know what I'm going to do next?" The Fulcrum agent went over to his table full of weapons and selected a Colt 1911 .45 caliber. Loading it, he walked over to Agent Lewis.

"Lewis," he said, pressing the gun to his head. "Do you believe me when I tell you that I'll pull this trigger if you don't fess up?"

"Yes," the stoic Lewis said steadily, staring straight ahead.

"Will you tell me who you work for?"

"No."

The Fulcrum agent turned to the other four agents. "Do you all believe me when I tell you that I'll pull this trigger and end the life of your dear comrade?"

All four agents nodded gravely.

"Here is to prove that I'm serious. Just in case you don't think I will."

"Don't you dare tell him anything! Don't give in! DEATH FIR-" The agent put a bullet in his head. Sarah sucked in her breath, turning away from the sight. Lewis fell to the ground with a thump, and Sarah choked back a cry.

"Will you agents start talking?" the Fulcrum agent asked again. The remaining four shook their heads wordlessly.

He fired a bullet into the head of Agent Martin. "Now?" he asked.

Agent Turner, knowing he was next in line, turned to Royce and Sarah. "Stay strong, guys. He'll kill us. And we'll win. Our secrets will die with us, and Fulcrum will never learn them, at least not from us." The two agents nodded. Sarah couldn't keep a tear from sliding down her cheek.

"Are you done?" their torturer said impatiently.

"No, give me a second," Turner responded. He turned back to his two friends. "Paul…Sarah…" He took a breath. "You two have been amazing partners and amazing friends. We've only known each other for five months, but you guys have been my family. Know that you've meant so much to me, and – "

With another shot, Turner fell to the ground.

"I hate long goodbyes. Now, are you ready to talk?"

"Never," Sarah and Royce whispered together.

"That's a shame." The Fulcrum agent looked at them both for a second, and then retreated back to the table. Sarah was relieved for a second, but then she saw him pick up a long knife.

"We're not good enough for a gun?" Sarah remarked sarcastically.

"Yes, actually," he replied. "That gun's one of my favorites. I don't want you touching it, Walker."

"Me?" she asked, confused.

The agent grabbed Sarah's hand and put the knife's handle into it.

"No…no…" she protested, trying to break free from him. He was surprisingly strong, and he pinned her left arm to her body. His right hand secured her own right hand to the knife's hilt.

He pulled her in front of Royce, the knife blade sticking straight out. Sarah fought her hardest to struggle free, but she couldn't get the knife to turn aside.

"NO!" she screeched, trying to thrust out her elbow into the Fulcrum agent's ribs. "No! NO!"

"Ready to talk yet, Walker?"

Royce closed his eyes. "It's okay, Sarah."

"Royce…"

"It's okay. I'm ready."

"No, Royce!"

"I'm ready."

Tearfully, Sarah let out a sharp sob. "Royce, you're one of the best friends I've ever had."

"And you've been one of mine. Goodbye, Sarah."

"NO!"

The agent thrust Sarah forward, and she closed her eyes. She felt her knife cut through first air, and then flesh. More flesh. More flesh.

And then the rock wall.

The agent let go of her, and Sarah fell to the ground. Royce's body and the knife collapsed beside her.

"No…Royce…" she reached over and grabbed his hand. Now it was her turn.

And suddenly, she thought of Chuck. Life was too short. She wished she had realized that earlier. She should have allowed herself to love him earlier. They had two years together, and she spent the whole time pushing them apart. Love was hard to find. It was even harder to find for a CIA agent. And Sarah Walker, CIA agent and incredibly troubled woman, had found true love in this cruel, cruel world.

And she pushed it away.

She closed her eyes, her tears abruptly stopping. She realized she too was ready to die. What kind of woman was she? To make the love of her life suffer? To choose her job over four of her closest friends? She wasn't good enough for Chuck. Chuck deserved someone who could provide stability, love, support through the toughest of times.

Could she transform into that woman?

It didn't matter now. She was going to die. And at least with her gone, Chuck could finally have a good life with a good woman.

Suddenly, a door burst open and six gunshots rang out instantly. Then she felt hands on her shoulders. She felt like she was underwater. She could barely make out the words. It was like she wasn't even there.

"Agent Sarah Walker! We are a CIA unit, you're safe now."

Sarah ignored the rest of the man's words. She wasn't reassured. Why was she the one to live? Why not Royce? Or Martin? Or Lewis?

They were all better people than her. All better people than the woman who let go of Chuck.

Why her?

--

Sarah sat on the hotel bed, staring at the phone in her hand. She had been frozen in that position for the past fifteen minutes. She didn't know what to do.

On the one hand, she knew Chuck must be suffering without her, and she was suffering as well. She made the mistake of letting him go once. She couldn't do that again.

On the other hand, maybe Chuck had already moved on. Or maybe he needed to. Did he really deserve to be stuck in a relationship with someone who killed her own friends?

If Chuck already was in love with someone else…well, she wouldn't mess things up for him. She felt sick to her stomach. Chuck was an amazing guy. Who wouldn't fall for him? She pushed him away. She was the one who left him.

And it'd be her fault that she let Chuck slip away when he was hers. Why couldn't she let herself be his, too?

She decided what she'd do. She'd call Ellie.

--

Ack, sorry for more depression/angst. I was going to jump straight into the Charah reunion, but I decided that I needed to address what happened during Sarah's time on the mission, and why she got the break. I apologize if I caused any disappointment by not bringing Chuck into this chapter.

I swear there'll be happiness in the next chapter!

Please review if you have a couple seconds to spare. Thanks to everyone who reviewed and/or read the last chapter!


	3. Chapter 3: A Sense of Belonging

Thank you so much for the kind reviews! I really only intended this to be a one shot, but it has blossomed into something more =)

Just a note-- I don't have everything planned out yet, but I know the next chapter and I know the ending. There'll probably be one chapter in between those two, so around three chapters left. My next week is packed, so I'll try to get as much writing done as I can over the weekend.

Enjoy!

--

Chapter 3: A Sense of Belonging

--

Sarah punched in the phone number and quickly pressed the "call" button. If Chuck picked up, she'd hang up and call later. She needed Ellie and silently hoped that she picked up.

After three rings, she heard the familiar female's voice happily answer. "Hello?"

Swallowing once, she mustered up the courage to speak. "Ellie?" Sarah's voice cracked.

There was a few seconds of silence. Sarah spoke again. "This…uh…this is-"

"_SARAH!_" She was cut off by the high-pitched cry of the sisterly woman. "Oh my God, it's you! It's really you! I never thought I'd hear from you again! I hoped I would, but I wasn't sure. Well I knew you'd be back. Oh Sarah, I can't believe it's you! How are you? Where are you? Is-" Ellie stopped to take a breath, and started over. "Sorry. I'm just so happy to hear from you. How are you?"

"Umm, I'm fine," she said simply.

"Did you call for Chuck?"

"No, actually," Sarah said. "Er, is he at work right now?"

"Yep."

Sarah let out the breath she had been holding. Good, he didn't know she was calling. Had he been in the house, he would have heard Ellie's scream of delight.

"How's the CIA?"

Sarah's heart skipped a beat. _How the hell does she know?! _"Um…the…the what?"

"The CIA."

"You…know about that?!"

"Well, I know enough, from John and Chuck," Ellie explained. "Lester snuck into John Casey's house one night and saw all of his equipment. John quickly sorted him out, but not before he sent a cell phone video to Morgan and Jeff. Morgan showed the video to Chuck and asked if he knew about it, and John decided that it'd be less disruptive if Morgan, Lester, and Devon and I were just told about what was going on."

Ellie stopped talking. Sarah realized that it was her cue to respond with something. "Erm…Ellie…I really don't know what to say."

"That's okay."

So Ellie knew. At least she wouldn't have to lie as much to her from now on. Sarah realized that she didn't know what excuse Chuck had for her disappearance.

The realization officially set in. Oh God, Ellie knew.

"Ellie…Ellie, you must hate you right now," Sarah gasped. "Maybe it wasn't a good idea to call-"

"No," Ellie interjected abruptly. "No, don't hang up."

"You've got to hate me."

"Oh, I did at first," Ellie admitted plainly. "I hated you for lying to us for so long, for not really being with Chuck, for breaking his heart when you left."

"How is he?" Sarah whispered, a lump developing in her throat.

"He's getting better. The first few weeks after you left, I could rarely drag him out of his bed. He'd just curl up and stare at the wall or the ceiling. That, or yelling at some higher up for moving you to another mission. He's doing better now, though considerably less happy than when you were here."

"I wish I had some excuse for the past two years-"

"You don't need one, honey," Ellie interrupted softly. "Sarah, John and Chuck filled me in enough for me to know that he wouldn't be alive without you. I owe you."

Sarah sank back into her chair and switched the phone to her other ear. "But it's impossible to trust me now."

"Sarah, I don't have to be a spy to know that you genuinely loved my brother. And even if you lied to us about certain things, we still…well, bonded."

"I'm so relieved you feel that way. If I were in your position…I don't know what'd I'd do."

Ellie sighed. "Well, I'm really glad that you weren't around when I found out what was going on…I wasn't too happy about the things that had happened…but that's not important. Stuff of the past. I'd prefer not to dwell on it, to be honest."

"Yeah."

There was an awkward silence before Ellie prompted Sarah. "So for what occasion are you calling? Don't get me wrong, I am so incredibly happy to hear from you. It's just…well, you haven't called since you left. I didn't think you were going to."

"I…" Sarah licked her lips, not sure what to say next. After what Ellie had just told her, Sarah didn't think barging in on their life again was the right idea.

After a few seconds of Sarah just trying to figure out what to say and stumbling over her words, Sarah apologized, embarrassed.

"It's okay, Sarah, take your time."

She took a couple breathes to regain her composure. "Well, I've been deep undercover for the past five months."

"Yes, Chuck told me."

"There was a …complication in the mission. Some traumatic events took place and I'm the only one from my team who is alive."

She could hear Ellie's pained gasp. Though she felt sick for thinking it, the shocked sound made her feel a little better. It had been a long time since someone had cared. Not since Chuck.

"The CIA felt that it would be best to give me a month off so I wouldn't burn out."

"Oh my God, Sarah, I'm so sorry!"

"They asked me where I wanted to go, and I said LA. It's…it's kind of the only place that's ever felt like home," she confessed. _Being able to be honest with Ellie. This is a great feeling._

"Sarah…Sarah, will we get to see you?" Ellie asked excitedly.

"That's what I was calling about, actually," said Sarah. "I…well, I know that I haven't made the…the most positive impact on Chuck's life, and yours."

"The only negative impact you made was leaving, Sarah."

Sarah was silent, the truth in those words ringing in her ears.

"Oh – no no no Sarah, I didn't mean it…I'm not trying to guilt trip you or anything."

"I know, it's okay. I just…I wanted to know how things were doing here. I didn't want to come back if it would hurt Chuck."

"Nothing would help him more than to see you. We all want to see you," Ellie said quietly.

"I…" Sarah wanted to tell Ellie that she missed them, too, but she couldn't bring herself to. Not yet. There was enough truth and confession in the conversation already, and it was new territory for Sarah. She'd ease into it.

Sarah shifted topics a bit. "I wanted to know if Chuck has…moved on."

"Moved on? Are you kidding me, Sarah?" Ellie snorted. "He's been missing you every minute of every day since you left."

"I never meant to hurt him."

"I know. I know that. Listen, when does your flight come in?"

"Um, I'm actually already here. They flew me out almost immediately. What time does Chuck get off work?"

"He'll be back at 10pm today," Ellie answered. "But come by earlier! You can come by now if you have time!"

"I need to unpack still."

"Unpack? Sarah, please don't tell me you're staying in a hotel."

"Er…"

'SARAH!" Ellie groaned. "No, you can stay over here."

"No, Ellie," Sarah said firmly. "I just…need to talk to Chuck. About everything. And I'll be here for a month, that's too long to stay at your house for."

"Oh, one thing, Sarah. After John left, Chuck moved into his old apartment. We still spend a lot of time at each other apartments since they are right next to each other, so not much has changed. But…yeah."

_After John left_. It'd be weird not having Casey's teasing remarks constantly there.

Being there without Casey made Sarah a bit scared. With Casey there, there was always a more hard assed, more hardcore government agent, a more "non-human" person than her around. But without him…she was alone. Alone among people she had hurt and run away from.

What if the rest of them didn't accept her back like Ellie did?

"Sarah? You still there?"

Sarah snapped back to reality. "Yeah…yeah, sorry. Um, should I stop by at around 9:30 then?"

"That's when my shift starts, but Devon'll be here. But I'll see you tomorrow morning, right? You're staying for sure?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I am."

"Okay. Goodbye, Sarah."

"Wait!" Sarah called out right before Ellie hung up.

"Mm?"

"Listen, I…" Sarah started, unable to find the right words. "Thank you for accepting me back."

"Like I said earlier, you didn't see me right after you left. It took me awhile to accept it and see how much you've done for him."

"Still. And, I just need you to know…I need you to know that even though I lied to you, you…you were always a sister to me."

"I still _am_, Sarah," Ellie said softly. Those words alone put Sarah on the verge of tears.

"Bye. I'll see you soon."

--

After changing out of her sweats, Sarah learned that she had almost no nice tops that weren't open in the back. She didn't want the scars from the whip on display.

She narrowed the choice down to a blue shirt and a red one.

She chose the blue.

--

The flowers, the plants, the fountain, the ground…returning felt so right. They planted some new flowers and took out some old ones, and some other small adjustments were made, but it was almost exactly how she remembered it.

But as beautiful as the water and the greenery was, it wasn't nearly as rewarding as seeing the Bartowski (no—the Woodcomb!) door open, the warm, pleasant light spilling out.

Captain Awesome had on a light blue shirt that showed off his awesome muscles nicely and a pair of jeans. He greeted her with an awesomely strong hug and invited her in. He told her that it was awesome that she was in the CIA, but he had missed her, and then they moved onto the topic of hiking. Sarah was appreciative of the topic change. Though she was glad that her real career was out in the open with him, she didn't want to think about it. Much less hear her job being described as awesome.

Having to kill your friends isn't awesome.

Sarah mentally kicked herself and pushed the thought out of her brain. She was back, at the Bartowskis/Woodcombs. She wasn't going to let the memories haunt her, at least, not tonight.

Sarah found herself glancing at the clock every few seconds. In five minutes, Chuck's shift would be over. And then she'd be able to see him.

No, he'd have to drive back here. Tack on a couple more minutes.

Sarah hoped she didn't explode just waiting for him.

Awesome noticed Sarah's desperation to see him and got off the couch to grab the phone. He dialed Chuck. Sarah listened to Awesome's half of the conversation.

"Hey bro!"

"Nah man. Just wondering if you could come home now."

"A few minutes doesn't make a huge difference."

"Believe me, you're gonna wanna come home."

"Awesome."

"See ya soon."

Captain Awesome truly was awesome, Sarah thought. Her anxiety to see Chuck escalated as the moment drew closer.

--

Chuck, obeying Awesome, ditched work a few minutes early. All of the coding was making him go insane anyway. But, he'd stop thinking about work for now and just relax.

He didn't take Awesome's words too seriously. Awesome probably had just booked another sky diving trip, or mountain climbing trip, or rafting trip, or some other masculine activity that he'd try to push Chuck into joining in on.

He yawned as he made his way across the courtyard. He'd stop by the other apartment before crashing at his own to see what Awesome wanted. Then, he'd reorganize his collection of printed out cheeseburgers in his drawer, slip into a depressed mood while thinking about Sarah, and then watch some Firefly to cheer himself up.

Yep, sounds like a good way to wind down.

--

Sarah saw movement out of the corner of her eye and stood up immediately. The sudden action startled Awesome.

Throwing open the door, she saw him.

She saw Chuck.

White shirt, nice tie, slacks, Converse.

Curly hair, warm eyes, enticing lips, comfortable stance.

And then he sees her.

He freezes, his body perfectly still. But in his eyes, a whole array of emotions flash through. First he's startled – doesn't Ellie have a shift? And then disbelief – Sarah's right in front of him. Shock – she was supposed to be deep undercover! Happiness – did she really come back? And awe – she's glowing.

She doesn't walk towards him. She just feels a force pulling her core towards him. She moves faster and faster until she's inches away from him, and then she stops.

Looks into his eyes. The eyes that've kept her going through the hardest times, the eyes that she's yearned to see for the past five months. She reaches out a hand to touch him, but stops a centimeter from his chest. She needs him. She needs to touch him. But she's so afraid that something bad will happen if she does.

"Sarah," he breathes. It's barely audible, especially over her pounding heart, but she melts at the glorious sound of his voice. Suddenly the tears start falling.

He said her name. Her Chuck whispered her name.

In that moment, only they exist. Chuck doesn't need to know why she's not deep undercover, why she suddenly showed up again, what happened.

It's just her and Chuck, and nothing else matters.

And this time, she wouldn't let anything else interfere with that.

Sarah collapses into Chuck's arms, and he wraps his arms around her protectively. Her hands are balled up between them, her fingers tangled in his shirt and his tie, and Chuck nuzzles his nose into her hair.

She smells exactly the same as he remembers. Thank God Sarah's not the type of woman who changes hair products every couple of weeks.

"Sarah, you're here." His whisper is muffled by her hair. His words make Sarah cry harder into his chest.

They've both dreamed of the moment when they'd finally see each other again. But this was different. There was no hot, passionate make-out session like in Sarah's vision. And there were no love confessions like in Chuck's.

They just held each other for an indeterminable amount of time. Two pieces of a puzzle, fit together perfectly.

And finally, for both: A sense of belonging.

--

I hope you enjoyed =) If you have a spare 30 seconds, please review!

Chp 4 -- Some fluff, some angst. Angst mostly brought on by how Sarah reacts when she learns that Chuck is a CIA analyst.

I apologize if the angst isn't favorable, but I promise it'll end happily.


	4. Chapter 4: Suffer, Break, Communicate

Thank you SO MUCH for all of the kind reviews!! I'm so glad you guys are enjoying it so far! This is really fun to write, but it's even more fun to share it with everyone. So again, thanks for reading and reviewing!

ANGST ALERT! Warning ya now. Starts fluffily though.

BTW, I need to go sleep right now but I wanted to post it, so I'll go through later and correct typos and grammar mistakes.

Chapter 4: Suffer, Break, Communicate

--

Chuck's dreams had been of Sarah that night.

So when he woke up, the morning light shining through the cracks that the window shades couldn't quite block, he was living and breathing Sarah. Images of her stunning eyes and quirkily charming smile were splashed across the back of his eyelids, entrancing him.

And then, he shifted out of the dream world and into the real one.

It was then that he became aware of the weight on his chest.

Chuck's eyes fluttered open, and he readjusted his arms around the body laying on top of him. Sarah's golden hair was splayed out across his chest and shoulder, like an angel's, and her face was contentedly peaceful. One arm was folded up close to her, her hand resting on his chest. He watched her sleep, her even and heavy breath becoming his heartbeat. Chuck was thankful that he woke up first. It wasn't often that he saw Sarah Walker so comfortable and at peace with the world, and he was going to cherish every moment of it.

He could get used to waking up this way.

Memories from last night flooded back, and Chuck realized that it wasn't a dream. Sarah was back. She was really back.

He wasn't sure how long he had been watching her for, but eventually, her heavy breathing turned a little lighter and she started to drift out of the sleep world. Sarah shifted a little bit, and Chuck loosened his embrace on her, allowing her more freedom to move around. Sarah settled down again and nuzzled her forehead and nose into the crook of his neck.

After a few more minutes, Chuck felt Sarah's eyelids brush against his neck. Sarah tensed for a moment, and then relaxed again as she let go a contented noise from her throat. Chuck knew Sarah must've come to the same realization he had after waking up. They were finally reunited.

"Good morning," Chuck murmured, kissing her forehead gently.

"G'mornin'," Sarah mumbled sleepily. Her hand slid to the other side of his neck, and she stroked her thumb across it.

They stayed in a cozy embrace for a little while longer.

"Are you hungry?" Chuck asked her.

"Yes."

Chuck shifted, preparing to get out of bed, but Sarah redistributed her weight in an effort to stop him. "That wasn't permission to stop being my pillow, Mister Bartowski."

"Well, your stomach may have a problem with that," Chuck joked.

"Oh, I've battled worse." Her tone was playful, but the smile left Chuck's face. Sarah's eyes were still closed, but he felt the arms around her tense.

"Sorry, I didn't…didn't want to bring up anything of the sort," Sarah said.

"It's okay." Chuck sank back into the bed, but the sudden serious mood lingered, mixed in with a little awkward silence.

"Listen…" Chuck began. Sarah backed up a little so they could look at each other, her arm still securely snaked around Chuck's waist. Chuck continued. "Listen, Sarah. A lot has changed that you should know about. First of all, there are multiple people here who know about your CIA status."

"Ellie, Awesome, Lester, Morgan," Sarah listed. "And of course you."

"You know?" Chuck asked in disbelief.

"I talked to both Ellie on the phone, and Devon in person yesterday."

"Oh."

"I'm glad they know. It would be hard to come up with a cover for me randomly leaving one day."

"Yeah…"

"I'm sorry," Sarah whispered somberly.

"Don't apologize. I know it wasn't your choice to get sent…there. Wherever you were."

"I…"

"It wasn't a veiled question, Sarah," Chuck told her. "You don't have to explain anything, I know you can't."

"Oh."

Chuck let out a sigh, and then turned his head so he was looking directly into Sarah's eyes. "Ellie and Awesome knowing about the last two years isn't the only thing that's changed, Sarah. There…there are other things that've happened. Things with Morgan, things with the CIA, things with…with my new job. I left the BuyMore. But I know that there are a lot of things that you need to know, that you have to ask, so-"

"Nope."

Chuck opened his mouth a couple times and closed them again. His throat restricted him from speaking for a couple seconds as the word bounced around in his head. "Wai…what?"

Sarah smiled warmly at him, running his fingers through his curly brown hair. "I don't need to know. Not right this second. We haven't seen each other for five months, Chuck."

As Sarah's hand reached his cheek, Chuck took her hand in his and kissed her fingers softly.

Sarah grinned at the gesture. "I've been wanting to be here with you for the past five months. Now we're here together again." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "Nothing else matters."

"I've missed you so much, Sarah."

"I've missed you, too. Now get back to being my pillow."

"Yes, ma'am."

--

While Sarah was in the shower, Chuck ran out to buy some chocolate croissants. Chuck set out the croissants and some orange juice on the kitchen table, but Sarah caught sight of a photo album on the coffee table. They moved to the couch.

"Never really thought of you as a photo album kind of guy," Sarah commented as Chuck wrapped his arm around her.

"I'm not. Ellie put it there," Chuck said sheepishly. "Personally, I think a copy of Serenity would look better there."

Sarah giggled, hitting his chest with the back of her hand. She took a bite out of her croissant and picked up the album, flipping to the first page. The first picture was of Ellie at around age 6, dressed in overalls and pigtails with pink bows. Baby Chuck was sitting on her lap.

After Sarah made several noises that all women seemed to just _have _to make when in the presence of babies, Chuck was about to go into shock.

"I never knew your voice could go that high, Sarah," Chuck joked.

"Shut up."

Sarah grinned again at the photo. "God, you were so adorable."

"Hey, hey! What's with the past tense?" Chuck said in mock offense.

"Now you're sexily adorable," Sarah said, planting a kiss on Chuck's lips.

"You're forgiven." Sarah turned back to the photo album, but Chuck pulled her back into the kiss. After a few seconds of a sweet, closed mouth kiss, Sarah set the photo album back on the table and put both of her hands on the back of his neck. Sarah broke off the kiss. "You've only temporarily distracted me, Chuck. I will see those photos…"

Chuck grinned and planted his lips against hers again. Chuck deepened the kiss and wrapped his arms around her waist. Croissants forgotten, Chuck pushed her back a bit so the couch's arm was supporting Sarah's back. Sarah opened her mouth a bit more, allowing Chuck's tongue to slip into her mouth and slide against her own tongue.

Chuck shifted his kisses from her lips, to the side of her lips, to her jaw, to the spot on her neck under her ear that always made her lose her breath. His hands started to travel all along her body. Even through the camisole she was wearing, she could feel Chuck's heated skin against her own.

Chuck must've decided that the camisole was problematic, because he quickly removed the piece of clothing and tossed it onto the floor.

Sarah brushed her lips against his sensually and then caught him in another kiss. One of her hands had a tight grip on his hair, the other touching his back.

Eager to remove her bra, Chuck slid his hands around her stomach and to her back. The friction between their skin was electric. His hands travelled higher and higher until…

His hand slid over something. A raised bump on her skin. Once he touched that area of her skin, Sarah tensed and instinctively pushed away from him.

"Sarah? Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah, everything's fine," Sarah said curtly, reaching for her fallen camisole.

Chuck grabbed her wrist before she could reach the shirt. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Turn around."

"Chuck-"

"Turn around."

Sarah looked into Chuck's eyes. Chuck could almost see Sarah retract back into her shell just within her eyes. Sarah slowly got off of the couch and turned around.

Chuck's breath caught in his throat. There were three, raised, red whip marks marring her perfect back. He reached out his hand tentatively. When his fingertips met the scars, Sarah pulled away again, turning to face him.

"Fulcrum did this to you?" Chuck growled, his voice dripping with anger and hatred.

Sarah nodded. "They found out that the five of us were part of a different organization. They whipped us to try to get information, and when we didn't talk…well the other four…" Her voice trailed off. She didn't want to continue.

"They did this to you?" Chuck's voice dropped into a huskily calm tone. Sarah was surprised. She had never heard it before.

"They hurt you. They made you suffer."

"Calm down, Chuck. At least I'm still alive. It was just…just an occupational hazard-"

Chuck let out a bitter laugh. "Occupational hazard, Sarah? That's what you call it?"

"Chuck, it doesn't even hurt anymore."

"I can't believe they tortured you…"

"It's not like it's the first time it's happened!" Sarah yelled, losing her patience. "It's my job, it's what happens." Sarah took a deep breath. In a calmer voice, she said, "Sorry. I didn't mean to yell. I just…I don't want to dwell on it. What happened, happened. Can't change it now. Can we move on?"

"I know. I'm sorry. I just hate to see them do this to you…"

Sarah nodded. She heard Chuck sigh.

"Well, Fulcrum won't be around for much longer. I've nearly hacked into Fulcrum's database."

Sarah's heart skipped a beat. "What did you say?"

Chuck looked at his feet. "Well, of course it wasn't just me, it was a team effort. Last night some of the programmers and analysts, myself included, possibly figured out their method of coding. We still have all of the cracking left to do, but at least we have a way to approach it-"

"You're working for the _CIA?!_" Sarah shouted. Chuck snapped his head up, looking at Sarah. Her eyebrows were raised but knit together in disbelief and…betrayal was it?

"I was hoping I'd be able to stay in the loop on…well, everything. And I'd have more of a chance of hearing about how you're doing."

"Chuck, _how could you?_" An angry tear slid from Sarah's eye, and she started to redden. Chuck was shocked at Sarah's reaction. He was sure she'd be happy for him. It paid better than the BuyMore did, and this way, he could be closer to her. And now she'd exploded like a stick of dynamite.

"Sarah, I thought…I thought you'd be happy…"

"Happy, Chuck? Really?" Sarah yelled. "Happy that you're still involved with fighting Fulcrum? Happy that you're still working for the CIA that ruined your life? Or happy that it's because of me that you're working for them?!"

"Sarah-"

"DON'T!" Sarah growled through gritted teeth. "The CIA will ruin your life, Chuck. And fighting Fulcrum of all things? Do you understand how dangerous that is? And for ME? No. I've hated myself every day for dragging you through all of the stuff the CIA wanted. Every day. And I've hated myself for not being able to provide you with a stable life."

"Sarah, my job is interesting. And it's worth it if it means I get updates on how you're doing."

"They'll ruin your life, Chuck!"

"You know what, Sarah? Stop," Chuck yelled, his voice raising to Sarah's volume. "You don't get to decide what's best for me anymore. That's all you've done."

More tears escaped from Sarah. She opened her mouth to shout something else, but Chuck cut her off.

"That's all you've ever done, decide what I should be doing or should not doing! And you have no idea just how wrong you've been, Sarah. All I've ever wanted, ever needed, is you. When I know that you're not here, that you're off risking your life day and night, getting TORTURED, do you think I care whether or not I'm alive?"

"Chuck, you can't chain yourself to someone like me."

"Well, Sarah, that's for ME to decide," Chuck barked back. "You just make decisions for me that I need to make myself. You never even listen to me! You never think about what I want, just what you think I need."

"Chuck, I'm just trying to keep you from ruining your life!"

"Sarah, can I ask you something?"

"Okay…" Sarah responded, crossing her arms.

"You called Ellie because you wanted to know how I was doing."

"Yeah…she, she told me that you didn't get off work until 10pm and I…I wanted to see-"

"You wanted to see if I had moved on. To see if you coming back into my life would make me "relapse" or whatever. Is that right?"

"Chuck-" Sarah began.

"Answer the question," Chuck ordered.

After a few moments, Sarah nodded. Chuck grunted.

"So. You were about to let me just think I'd never see you again."

"For your happiness, Chuck! I couldn't let you get hurt with me coming back into your life!"

"Happiness? Really, Sarah?" Chuck yelled. "I sometimes think that you don't even understand the concept of happiness, the concept of living. I can breathe, but if my heart is imploding because a part of it is GONE…that's when living means nothing. Do you even get that?"

Sarah let the rest of her tears go. "NO! You know what, I don't get it. I don't get relationships. I don't get life. And fine, you're right, Chuck. You're completely right. I don't know how to love people, all I do is hurt them."

Chuck hadn't meant to push it that far. His anger dissipated and he stepped towards her. "Sarah-"

"No, you're right," she half yelled, half sobbed. "You deserve someone who gets the concept of love. I'm not that person."

"Wait!"

"Just let me go, Chuck!"

"Sarah, I didn't mean to say those things."

"It doesn't matter whether you meant to say it or not, Chuck. It's still what you're thinking."

"We can work things out."

Sarah shook her head and closed her eyes. "You can't fix a person like you can fix computers, Chuck. Some people are just shattered beyond repair."

She turned to leave, but Chuck grabbed her arm, firmly, but still gently.

"I'm not trying to fix you, Sarah." She turned to look at him. She no longer tried to hide the pain she was feeling.

"I just…without you, Sarah, I'm broken too. We're both broken. You're broken because you're missing friends, relationships, a lover…and I'm broken because I'm missing you."

Sarah collapsed into Chuck's chest, and he wrapped his arms around her tightly. "I'm sorry, Chuck. I'm so, so sorry."

"Please don't apologize, Sarah," Chuck whispered into her hair. "I'm sorry I said everything I said. I was being an asshole."

"I wish every day that I could be someone else," Sarah sobbed. "That I could be everything that you needed. The perfect woman for you. You deserve nothing less."

"Sarah, you are everything that I need. And I don't want you to be perfect. I just wish that you would let me in."

"I can't. It's in my nature to push people away."

"I know. But we can tackle that together," Chuck promised. "We can tackle anything. Just let me in. I know you're imperfect. So am I. I love you, Sarah Walker. You're all I need. I know that you need me too, but you're afraid to rely on me. You think you'll be a burden to me, or that I deserve someone better. But Sarah, there's no better woman out there. And the only burden I feel is the heavy weight in my heart when you're not around."

Sarah pushed herself further into Chuck's chest, and he held her tighter. "Do you mean it? Do you love me?" she asked, her voice cracking.

"Of course I do, Sarah. I always have and always will."

"I love you, too," Sarah whispered. "I love you so much that I'm terrified I'll screw this up. Screw you up. And I nearly did."

"Nothing can screw us up, Sarah," Chuck whispered back. "You don't need to be afraid. I'll be by your side. Through everything."

Minutes passed by before Chuck spoke again. "Wow. It's not even lunch, and I'm exhausted," he said, a tired sort of playfulness returning to his voice.

"Me, too. Can we take a nap?"

"Of course." Chuck, still holding her tightly, shifted over to the couch and lay back on it. Sarah curled up into him.

"That was the first time I've heard you tell me that you loved me," Chuck commented.

"You'll be hearing it many more times," Sarah promised.

"Well, good…morning, then."

"Chuck?" Sarah asked

"Yeah?"

"We'll be okay, right?"

"You trust me, don't you?"

"Of course," Sarah whispered.

"I promise you, we'll be okay. I love you, you love me. Nothing-"

"-else matters," Sarah finished with Chuck. Chuck grinned.

"Y'know, I think we should patent that or something," Sarah said. "Maybe make a song."

"I think Metallica already has that covered."

Sarah gave Chuck a questioning look. "Metallica? That's a band, right?"

"Oh dear God, you've never listened to _Metallica?!_"

Sarah shook her head, ashamed.

"We have to fix that."

"After our nap."

"Okay." Chuck kissed Sarah's head, and she snuggled into him. And then, they both drifted into sleep again.

--

Okay. Sorry guys for the overload on angst. Don't hate me. I promise there'll be enough fluff and happiness in the next chapter to knock out a cow.

There are only a couple chapters left, I think. I might add in another, not sure yet.

Anyway, please review! This is the only fan fic I've ever done that I've updated this quickly with. And that is only because of how awesome you guys are.

BTW I might have to wait til the weekend to update this time, sorry. I'll try to get it up faster though.


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